I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
