Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
