nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You are a genius and a whore.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
