____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
