i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize