Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dignity is for republicans.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
