it hurts more in the daytime
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize