i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
