the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
