i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
