thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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