I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
