Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
