What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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