We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
