I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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