So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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