I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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