Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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