then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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