Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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