you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
