ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
porn star boner night. come get it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
