My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
