I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
