can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
