Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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