My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
