Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
