before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
