Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
