His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
