You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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