So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
