It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
