and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
