i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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