shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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