I skipped work to stalk him.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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