I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
