soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
