I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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