Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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