WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He felt like a one man threesome
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize