i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
