I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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