I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
