If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
