i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
