I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
