I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize