I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
