hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
