Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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