sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
