the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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