we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
