R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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