You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
