Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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