just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
