I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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