so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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