marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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