Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
