tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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