So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
