my room smells like sperm. sweet.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
