I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
